Madness, Addiction, and Love
Sometimes a grave is not for bodies. It can be for the soul. The tomb of our fate. That forbidding fateful soul contract. For most of my life I have had weighty concerns & fears of living in madness, addiction & love. I either had too much or not enough of all three. I’d hear, ‘I love you’, then be beaten within a second for my next breath. I was on pins and needles constantly. Survival became a daily prayer. By 13, I was on booze, by 36, I was on my knees begging to a higher power to help me end it all. The day is Oct 7th, 1991. I have no idea how that prayer is going to be answered. I am about to find out what real madness is, learn about addiction and find love through letting go and finally in death. You are about to take a wild journey with me. Hang on, you will laugh out loud, hold your breath, allow tears to flow. You will come to know that no matter what life throws at us, we are all whole, holy.
Sometimes a grave is not for bodies. It can be for the soul. The tomb of our fate. That forbidding fateful soul contract. For most of my life I have had weighty concerns & fears of living in madness, addiction & love. I either had too much or not enough of all three. I’d hear, ‘I love you’, then be beaten within a second for my next breath. I was on pins and needles constantly. Survival became a daily prayer. By 13, I was on booze, by 36, I was on my knees begging to a higher power to help me end it all. The day is Oct 7th, 1991. I have no idea how that prayer is going to be answered. I am about to find out what real madness is, learn about addiction and find love through letting go and finally in death. You are about to take a wild journey with me. Hang on, you will laugh out loud, hold your breath, allow tears to flow. You will come to know that no matter what life throws at us, we are all whole, holy.
Sometimes a grave is not for bodies. It can be for the soul. The tomb of our fate. That forbidding fateful soul contract. For most of my life I have had weighty concerns & fears of living in madness, addiction & love. I either had too much or not enough of all three. I’d hear, ‘I love you’, then be beaten within a second for my next breath. I was on pins and needles constantly. Survival became a daily prayer. By 13, I was on booze, by 36, I was on my knees begging to a higher power to help me end it all. The day is Oct 7th, 1991. I have no idea how that prayer is going to be answered. I am about to find out what real madness is, learn about addiction and find love through letting go and finally in death. You are about to take a wild journey with me. Hang on, you will laugh out loud, hold your breath, allow tears to flow. You will come to know that no matter what life throws at us, we are all whole, holy.
Excerpt
Lastly, I will talk to you about collective LOVE. The true reason you are on this journey. We can take drugs, blame our parents, go to war, be in and out of institutions, or blame God but mental illness is never going to subside in our society until we understand why we are here. What is our highest potential, our mission? Where do we start to learn this? Start teaching the “spirit of our tomorrows,” to our children and their children. Teach them that indeed they are enough. The smile on their faces each day will move the stars in alignment—it will move the tanks out of the way—it will move the God in them to be better co creators with the universe. Love is not physical; it is not about needs being met. It’s loving ourselves with our flaws, defects, courage, strength, and so much more. It is about healing the inside as well as the outside. The mind, body, and spirit. It is being healthy enough that we attract a healthy mate. It is only in this way that we confront and comfort each other’s needs instead of demanding they be met. Love is not a personal need; it is meeting each other personally in a loving embrace. Madness and Addiction can be healed, controlled with medication, support groups, and acceptance, but my belief is that more than any of these is Love. You can see as many doctors as you need, you can take as many drugs as you desire, but unless you are in love with self and a power greater than you, it is impossible to feel love for or from others. Once you commit to yourself and your esteem with the power of spirit only then can true healing begin.